::Living Out Loud::

My heart plays this song all the time...

2011-03-21T22:18:00.000-04:00

Adele - Set Fire to the Rain Lyrics

2011-03-15T15:36:00.000-04:00

Gesso with Distress

2011-03-12T02:47:00.005-05:00

Discovered Gesso with Distress via GayleAlstrom
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How to Alter a Photo - Altered Art Mixed Media Style with Milliande

2011-03-12T02:47:00.003-05:00

Discovered How to Alter a Photo - Altered Art Mixed Media ... via GayleAlstrom
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How to use Color Wash

2011-03-12T02:47:00.001-05:00

Discovered How to use Color Wash via GayleAlstrom
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DIY Re-Upholstery, Threadbanger

2011-03-12T02:44:00.001-05:00

Discovered DIY Re-Upholstery, Threadbanger via Preeka
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New Paper Mache Clay Recipe

2011-03-12T02:41:00.001-05:00

Discovered New Paper Mache Clay Recipe via Eesi
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Blick Presents: Amaco Glass Fusing and Slumping

2011-03-12T02:40:00.001-05:00

Blick Presents: Amaco Glass Fusing and Slumping
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Basic DIY Book Binding Demonstration 혹시 직접 수작업으로 책을 만들어 보신 분들...

2011-03-12T02:39:00.001-05:00

Basic DIY Book Binding Demonstration
혹시 직접 수작업...
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How to solder jewelry - Jewelry Making

2011-03-12T02:26:00.001-05:00

How to solder jewelry - Jewelry Making
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Needtobreathe- More Time

2011-02-25T11:22:00.001-05:00

NEEDTOBREATHE "Washed By The Water" (Acoustic and un-mic'ed) @ Sioux Cit...

2011-02-25T03:50:00.001-05:00

Mumford and Sons - Little Lion Man

2011-02-15T15:07:00.001-05:00

My current life theme song...

Birthday Girl

2011-01-08T11:56:00.001-05:00

I'm still 31 until exactly 3:02pm today!!! ;)

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Whatta you lookin at?

2010-12-31T15:03:00.000-05:00

For the new year...

2010-12-31T14:31:00.002-05:00

Found this journal at Barnes and Nobles a few days ago-its exactly what I've been looking for. Wearing my little Body Bug monitor has been really helpful throughout this past year, but I think I need to get a little more accountable with my nutrition. (Even if it is just to a piece of paper!)
;-)

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Look what else I made...

2010-12-31T01:14:00.001-05:00

I just made buying your significant other, mother, aunt, sister, man crush, best friend, and/or your gay Uncle Louie the best present they've ever gotten...check it out:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=130470289196

Merry Christmas

2010-12-24T20:41:00.001-05:00

...to all, and to all a good night.

Ps) I'm ready for my babies to come home.

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Look what I made...

2010-12-22T20:50:00.000-05:00

Post Script)

2010-12-21T22:14:00.000-05:00

If I wanted a life of mediocrity-I'd keep to myself those things which I chose to share in a very public light. Silence does not keep you honest.

Is it selfish...

2010-12-21T22:10:00.000-05:00

...to always be looking for the magic of things? I don't think so. I think it's what keeps some of us alive.

2010-12-19T04:06:00.000-05:00

Solitary days.

2010-12-19T03:13:00.001-05:00

Every single moment feels like a desperate battle between good and evil. Life and death. The beginning of something, anything-and the end of everything.

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2010-12-17T13:13:00.001-05:00

Ok, so I'm totally alone for Christmas this year...the 17th-26th to be exact. I think spending some time volunteering at the shelter will help take my mind off it-anyone else have any ideas???

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Lies.

2010-12-16T23:45:00.002-05:00

The Damnwells sing this song. Epic:

I Will Keep the Bad Things From You
I will keep the bad things from you
I will keep a straight face honey
you can keep your last name if you want to
and I will give you all my money
I could take a plane right to you
if i could just stop running
what if all this was true?

I will keep the bank from calling
I will keep those bastards from you
I will keep your smile from falling
this time the casualties were few
'cause we kept the bastards brawling
we kept our hearts from view
this time we're problem solving

catch it while you can
its the feel good hit of the summer
catch it while you can
'cause there won't be another

you keep the band names coming
I'll make the jokes real funny
we'll keep the skeptics humming
and someone else will take the money
we'll keep the hamsters running
I'll be the sour in your tummy
who'll wipe the nose that's running

catch it while you can
its the feel good hit of the summer
catch it while you can
'cause there won't be another

I will sleep above the covers
I will love you like no other
I will be your dad and mother
I will give you older brothers
I will feed you fries with steak sauce
I will keep the price below the cost
I will lead the way from all is lost
I will keep the bad things from you

catch it while you can
its the feel good hit of the summer
catch it while you can
'cause there won't be another... won't be another...

I'll keep the bad things from you... I'll keep the bad things from you... I'll keep the bad things from you...

The Holidays

2010-12-16T23:33:00.000-05:00

Somehow, I would like to be put into a medically induced coma from November 25th through January 2nd each year.

2010-12-12T03:36:00.000-05:00

King of Saints

Everything is relative,

at least that’s what you say,

but I can smell it on your breath,

that intoxicating burn of pain.

If you only knew what I can do for you,

inside me-it’s innate,

to build a castle around your heart

and keep guard with my own veins.

I want to take you

I want to make you

feel like the king of saints,

or if it’s all just relative-

the ashes of all that’s done in vain.

-AMS

Living not so loud at the moment....

2010-12-12T00:54:00.000-05:00

Pneumonia. I've had it for almost 10 days now. This is the 4th time in 3 years. I don't smoke, only drink every once and awhile, workout 4-5 days a week. I don't get it, and frankly-neither do any of the docs I've seen. I suppose this makes for a little bit more of a melancholy me tonight. It feels very familiar. I like familiar. We are creatures of habit aren't we?

As one tends to do when they are housebound with an illness, I've been reflecting on things. This blog being one of them. I spent the better part of almost an hour skimming over past entries in past years-and I had an "aha!" moment. Looking back, it seems my original purpose in journaling a perpetual free-verse of my life transformed into something entirely different through the divorce process/custody battle with Dan. I am ashamed of myself at times. Most of the time really. I stopped being proactive in the betterment of my own life and my children's lives. I became consumed with anger, bitterness, desperation, and all the sordid familiarities that come with that particular state of being. I missed out on so many of the little joys of motherhood because I was so self-absorbed in my own hate. I am ashamed, and grieve over it in moments peppered throughout each passing day. Some days are better than others. Some days I feel victorious by creating laughter in my children's hearts. Others, I feel like I nothing more than a disappointing figurehead in their lives. Trying to find my balance has proven to be both liberating and debilitating. How is that even possible?

So, now I've come full circle. I am very much so socially/emotionally/physically alone again. A very good friend (Brian) once told me that I needed to embrace my solitude before I would be able to truly share my life with anyone at all. Maybe he was right.

Maybe.

How To Be Alone

2010-12-11T23:59:00.000-05:00

Mr. Shompoo?

2010-10-25T19:31:00.001-04:00

The best part of this email is not just the senders name, "Shampoo", probably the only English word they know-it's the really bad translation..."unscented email"?? Enjoy. I did.

Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon Perform 'History of Rap' Video

2010-10-19T22:25:00.000-04:00

Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon Perform 'History of Rap' Video

For two white boys??? Awesome I'd say.

The Crew

2010-10-18T21:44:00.000-04:00

The Midgets a few weeks ago at the park...everyone is getting so big...sigh.

Blah

2010-10-15T00:46:00.000-04:00

I want to sleep sooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad...but my brain won't let me.

My Zazzle Shop

2010-10-03T18:17:00.000-04:00

Look for a personalized gift at Zazzle.

Ouch

2010-09-20T11:40:00.001-04:00

Mood: Ouch-ish
Listening to: Flogging Molly
Reading: the warning labels on your medicine bottles.
Watching: the second hand on the wall clock.
Playing: duck...duck...taxidermy.
Eating: my words.
Drinking: Shut the Hell Up...on the rocks.

So...I drove my non-HMO having self down to my local ER this morning because I kept having dreams that the devil was trying to extract my kidney's with a corn cob. Yeah. Turns out I have a kidney infection, kidney stones, and fluid build up behind my left kidney. Who says dreams don't come true?

Eating cookies in a bubble bath...

2010-09-12T20:48:00.000-04:00

...I highly recommend it. Especially after a really long weekend of moving. Maybe ESPECIALLY after a really long weekend of moving. Now instead of wondering if there are homeless crackheads passing by my apartment, I can actually SEE them! That wasn't exciting enough to warrant an exclamation point, I know-but in the grand scheme of my life at the moment it's pretty thrilling.

FunkyLoona...version 5.0

2010-09-02T19:24:00.000-04:00

Ok I'm back...so what did I miss?? Shu got married and looked like he had an awesome honeymoon as well...where's Ben? How's David Hoggard and his family? Juan, are you still writing? Who's still doing Meetup's? Anyone? I could go on and on, but I guess I'd better start looking everyone up again. It's good to be in this familiar place again. I'm getting all sassy and posting a mini-scrapbook with updated pics of my midgets...oh how time has slipped past me so quickly.

::Theme music from Welcome Back Cotter::

2010-09-01T23:58:00.000-04:00

So yeahhhhhhhhhh...about that whole "Happily Ever After" thing? Not so much.

The End.

2007-03-14T14:58:00.000-04:00

And she lived happily ever after.

The End.

2007-03-14T14:32:00.000-04:00

We've got our final custody hearing on the 27th of this month. Its weird to look back almost 2 1/2 years ago and see how much has changed. I will be ending this blog in the weeks to come, and starting a new one-for my new life. I just want to thank all the amazing Greensboro bloggers who became my friends, and supported me through the past two years. I know some people say personal blogging is silly, or a waste of time, but it has opened many doors in my heart and mind. I think this community is amazingly creative, caring, thoughful, and smart. Those who know me will know where to find me and my new blog. Its been a wonderful 2 years. Thank you everyone. =)

Dorks'R Us

2007-03-10T21:14:00.000-05:00

Stick'm Up Truie...

2007-03-10T21:12:00.000-05:00

For my long lost friend WAITINGFORVIZZINI =(

2007-02-28T14:08:00.000-05:00

George bush beatbox

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Poem by Truitt =)

2007-02-23T20:10:00.000-05:00

I wrote this poem for Annie sometime ago. She has the original and only copy, so I am doing this from memory. :)

Angel Without Wings
In times through waste and drift and sand
See arcadias of love waiting in your hand
Songs of life, wanting and love
You truly have fallen from Heaven above

For angels are not homesick when you are near
They are among their own and hold you dear
Your beauty exceeds the ages, for centuries to come
Completing my being, my life has begun

Arias fill every breath you take
Exhaling melodies that make me ache
You occupy my every dream, my every thought
You are pure happiness, all I've ever sought

I've waited a lifetime, perhaps even more
To find you here at life's open door.

I'm gettin' hitched! =)

2007-01-10T15:37:00.000-05:00

I couldn't have said it better, so I am going to do a little cut-n-paste action from Truitts blog:

Yes, it is true...all the e-mail rumors and such running rampant are correct. Annie bonked me over the head and convinced me to marry her while we spent her birthday weekend in Vegas. ;) I asked on one knee in front of Bellagio's dancing water fountains at exactly 10:00p. Delirious with delight (or fright...lol), she couldn't answer me. Finally, she said "yes", and all was right with the world. Many of the passerbys cheered and cars stopped to take pictures. Truly an incredible moment and the best one of my life, until this summer when she finally becomes my wife (I'm a poet...). Kudos go to my new fiance. I now have the pleasure of being partners with the most wonderous woman in the world.

Couldn't have asked for a better birthday present than that! He amazes me each and every day with his humility, thoughtfulness, kindness, intellegence, and adoration. We're going to shoot for June 30th, and are planning on honeymooning in Eastern Europe. I'll have to keep you posted with pics and such in the months to come! =)

Blue October

2006-12-15T20:07:00.000-05:00

How am I supposed to breathe?
I try to relax. I touch your still frame,
So I can watch you closer
And study the ways I believe I belong to you,
to you.
I scratch at your waist line,
your doll hair
I dig up the thought of how your eyes glow
So I make you my religion, my collision, my escape goat
So have I found your secret weak spot, baby?
Can you pretend I'm amazing?
I can pretend I'm amazing...Instead of what we both know
Instead of what we both know
I cut to the punch line baby
Can we pretend I'm amazing
Instead of what we both know
Now our history is for sale
And for that I apoligize
You see you're my only know how
The study of when I believed I belonged to you
to you
You see I've made you into something delicious,
My sweet ghost
So have I found your secret weak spot, baby?

Late night poetry run...

2006-12-06T00:11:00.000-05:00

Night has fallen
on the day
on my room
on me
And where is my love
but alas I fear
not near
enough
inside me.
I dream of his scent
Lillies tucked behind each earlobe
rose blooms strewn across his chest
Honeysuckle lips
and Magnolia sweet finger tips.
I'll bide time away
Stitching him a purple robe
waiting for him to return.

Annie

2006-12-05T23:05:00.001-05:00

Your Aura is Blue

Spiritual and calm, you tend to live a quiet but enriching life.
You are very giving of yourself. And it's hard for you to let go of relationships.

The purpose of your life: showing love to other people

Famous blues include: Angelina Jolie, the Dali Lama, Oprah

Careers for you to try: Psychic, Peace Corps Volunteer, Counselor

http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorisyourauraquiz/">What Color Is Your Aura?

2006-12-05T22:52:00.000-05:00

Wow.

Ode to the Road Crossing Chicken...

2006-12-04T18:17:00.000-05:00

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Plato: For the greater good.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Jacques Derrida:
Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken- nature.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.

Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.

Freud: An die andere Seite zu kommen. (Much laughter)

Hamlet: That is not the question.

Donne: It crosseth for thee.

Me

2006-12-02T05:09:00.000-05:00

2006-12-02T04:21:00.001-05:00

LIFE AS A GUY

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Clematis heraceilofolia

2006-11-28T16:37:00.000-05:00

The dark need no longer cause you fear

For a thousand nights I’ll keep you near

Protected and tight, holding you secretly safe

Hoping your longing and want never abate

-ST

Leave Me a Message after the Beep:

2006-11-24T23:32:00.000-05:00

" />

Get Your Own Voice Player Manage

New Tattoo Idea

2006-11-24T23:24:00.000-05:00

Ok, I think I know what my next tattoo is going to be. I've been thinking about this for a while now, and I have decided to get all of my babies thumbprints tattooed on either my arm or back. I don't imagine it costing much more than 65 bucks or so-meaning I can hopefully get it done soon. I hope everyone had a enjoyable Thanksgiving, and spent meaningful time with people you love. I certainly did. Goodnight.

I always KNEW I had a sister!!

2006-11-24T01:41:00.000-05:00

http://www.myheritage.com

2006-11-24T01:17:00.001-05:00

- Get Your Own

Just some JPEG lovin' for my "Anonymous" CyberStalker:

2006-11-20T16:01:00.000-05:00

To my Cyber Stalker:

2006-11-15T21:33:00.000-05:00

Dear "Anonymous" poster and your band of Merry Men,

I have designed for you a handy warning sticker for those that come in contact with you in the future. Please print this post out, cut out the picture shown above, and super glue to your forehead. It will save the rest of us valuable time when trying to figure out what abomination of life we happen to have stumbled upon.

Hugs and Kisses,
Queen Annie

Wheeee...look at me.

2006-11-15T21:29:00.000-05:00

My new hair cut...yes I did it myself. (Notice the extreeeemely uneven bangs, hehe.)

Ha. Aha. Tee. Hee.

2006-11-11T00:55:00.000-05:00

Cowboy Dan and his new victim...

2006-11-11T00:46:00.001-05:00

2006-11-11T00:06:00.000-05:00

I am afraid of:	the dark, bugs that can jump and/or are hairy, hateful people, the unkown.
I love:	my babies, creativity, passion, eccentric people, and life.
I love the smell of:	mint, Magnolia trees, Ivory soap, my Grandmas kitchen, my dads cologne.
Last meal would be:	My dads Chicken Piccata and a bottle of really good Bordeaux.
I love the feeling of this on my skin:	worn cotton, body butter, ice, a warm mouth, water, and sweat from a good run.
On a rainy day I:	sleep. A lot.
Before I die I want to:	travel to Africa and work with pediatric AIDS patients.
I daydream about:	falling in love.
I have nightmares about:	people trying to hurt me.
It makes me sad when:	My babies aren't there to tuck in every night.
It makes me angry when:	Dan threatens to try to take away my babies.
It makes me happy when:	we make popcorn and watch cartoons on the floor before bedtime.
The first thing I do when I wake up is:	wash my face.
The last song I listened to was:	The Damnwells, "I Will Keep the Bad Things from You"
My most prized material object is:	My laptop.
If I won a million dollars, the first thing I'd do is:	Buy some land in the mountains and build a house.
My friends say I'm:	Creative, eccentric, funny, sarcastic, brassy, unpredictable, kind, generous, mildly insane.
My family says I'm:	...the devil child?
My best physical trait is:	my eyes or my legs.
My worst physical trait is:	my stomach...3 babies do bad things to your middle.
I believe in:	true love, God, aliens, ghosts, power of the mind, and truth.
If I were an animal, I'd be:	a monkey.
If I were a food, I'd be:	a mango.
5 things I'd want with me on a desert island:	My family, an ax, iPod with speakers and some kind of solar powered battery, Rob, and Newmans Own Lemonade.
I wish:	my babies lived with me full time.
I hope:	they grow up peacefully and feeling love all around them.
I will:	find what I'm looking for.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - MYSPACE LAYOUTS!

Oh Happy Day...

2006-11-11T00:02:00.000-05:00

Someone please slip the Cowboy a few of these...

- Get Your Own

2006-11-11T00:01:00.000-05:00

Create Your Own!

More Adventures with Cowboy Dan

2006-11-07T22:12:00.000-05:00

I would say that I can't believe it, but that would be silly...

Sunday, around lunchtime, I took the kids out to get some Chinese food for lunch. When we returned home, I found out my apartment key had fallen off my keychain. I tried calling my neighbor to see if we could hang at her house until it was time to take the kids to Cowboy, but she wasn't home. Thinking for one moment that the Cowboy would be able to be cival for once, I called him up to tell him what had happened. The minute he answeres the phone, he goes into jackhole mode, and attempts to verbally beat me down like always. I asked if there was anyone available at his house, and he said yes. I asked him if there were any way I could drop the kids off early that afternoon because we were locked out of the house. The Cowboy, in true Cowboy fashion, said no I could not. That someone was there at the house, but that didn't mean they were available to me. I told him that was fine, I guess the children and I could just sit outside in the cold and eat our Chinese food for the next 4 hours-until it was 5pm, and "time" for them to be with him. He then went into a barrage of insults, calling me a loser, and taunting me. He said that I could bring them over, but continued to insult me, and finally I just hung up. It was apparent to me that he had absolutely NO desire to help the kids and I out, nor see them before his "scheduled time" appointed for. What is most disturbing to me about the whole thing is that he knew how cold it was outside, he knew the kids didn't have appropriate clothing on to stay out that long in the cold, and he also knew it was their nap time. With complete disregard to the kids, and how the accidental circumstances would have negatively affected them/their well being, he decided to take the opportunity to verbally trash me, intimidate me, taunt me, and hatefully make fun of me instead of putting his SICK AGENDA aside for a moment to have some compassion for the kids. Both the Cowboy, those friendly to his deceitful cause, and his family need to be publicly castrated and stoned. But that's just my opinion-of course.

God, if you can hear me, please curse his twigs and berries with a nasty case of Chiggers. Amen.

Confirmation of my suspicion that toddlers are much like geriatric stoners...

2006-11-04T08:33:00.000-05:00

I cracked open my eyes at roughly 6am this morning to the site of two, big, brown eyes peering back at me. "Mommy...I want tacos...", Rosie said with a little too much authority. This was quickly followed with another typical toddler morning announcement: "Mommy...I have poops."

Happy Saturday.

Rosie

2006-11-02T23:03:00.000-05:00

Mommy's accomplice in crime...

Dear Anonymous poster,

I'll post your comments when you stop being a coward and post with an actual identity. I think the blogging community would appreciate knowing who is accusing them of "having no life", pedaphilia, disregard for anyone they post photographs of, ignorance of internet crime, and the general lack of creativity in the blogging medium. What makes all of this even more ridiculous is the fact that you've found the time to read and comment on blogs. Does that mean you're included in all of the above as well by proxie? You have the IQ of a spitball. Seriously.

4:15 PM

2006-11-02T23:02:00.000-05:00

Trouble thrice times over.

2006-11-02T23:01:00.000-05:00

9 out of 10 toddlers aggree that I build the best forts around...

Untitled III

2006-11-02T22:50:00.000-05:00

He says I am nothing
truth be told
I am the ground beneath his feet
I wonder what he'd say
if I swallowed him up
if I turned upside down
if I grew fields of poppies
created nature
fed the creatures
I am the ground beneath his feet
truth be told
he is nothing.

Annie Factiod # 283,438.1

2006-10-24T23:01:00.000-04:00

I can balance a pretzel stick on my nose.

Annie's Poetry Post

2006-10-23T22:06:00.000-04:00

*Night Tears*

Play with the words
play with my head
play with the things
that might crawl in to your bed
throw up your curses
swallow your pride
sit back in your eyes
and enjoy the ride
Because when dust comes to dust
and ashes
and flames
your fingers get burned
in the heat of the game.

*Details*

For lovers in a darkened room
a quiet bed
each velvet hair
on the low curve of back
the bodys map of texture changes
to find
perhaps
the zipper of a scar.

*Untitled III*

I want to touch your face
I want to feel
to reach out
touch your neck
I wish to kiss your navel
your wrists
and pelvic bones
I want to feel the flutter
or your heart
through my fingers
on my chest
I want to see behind your closed eyelids
because I know they are shut tight
so closed
to me
I am allowed to wish
I am aloud with this
pretend I'm someone else
pretend I'm not a mess
over you.

*Dry Clean Only*
There he sat
in his powder blue cap and matching
polyester pants
I watched him
looking so soft and fleshy
sweet
the innocence of age sticky in my nostrils
He turned his snowy head and looked
his wrikled eyes glazed over
hight on memories
staring at my breasts.

*Hooked*
I have thrown my windod open in rage
and shown my boiling soul to all the rain
beyond my glassy eyes
it drips
d
o
w
n
my face and makes a stain on the floor at my feet
blood red with life
yet reaking of death
and curls upwards
like the smoke of a ciggarette
I have become my own enemy
slicing my own heart
destoying my own body
no longer a temple of flesh
but a filthy
rotting
corpse
waiting for time to finish calling for my bones
and waiting to embrace my ashes
in the earth she breathes from.

*Silent Night*

Silent night
oh silent night
I feel you fill the room
I smell your fears
I taste your tears
I bathe in your apathy
I see your shirt fall to the floor
as you step into my head
you shake and shiver
your fingers quiver
as I show you the picture show
that plays behind my eyes
when all that needs to be
has been said.

*Darkness*

I wake up to the sticky
blackness
of fear
I can see it floating above my chest
staring me in the eyes
I can feel its breath on my lips
sucking life
I can hear it whisper
I can taste its song
"...run with me, run with me
little girl grown up wrong,
run with me, run with me,
little girl grow up strong".

Clean

2006-10-23T22:04:00.000-04:00

If I could turn my back to the spells in my head,
ignore the blood on my hands,
and the aging scabs on my chest
that ache when it rains in the shower,
I would.

A

Untitled II

2006-10-23T22:02:00.000-04:00

All of the ducks
swim so
far away from
my treats;
maybe they're
very
picky about
their bread.

Untitled

2006-10-23T22:00:00.000-04:00

I wish I were
able
to see the
swirling
bottom of
Renoirs
rinse water paint can.

A

My Secret TV

2006-09-07T20:14:00.000-04:00

People go to this site and post their most secret of secrets for anyone to read. There is some really interesting stuff here.

Angry letter to The Cowboy

2006-09-07T17:15:00.000-04:00

Every time I think about him, I throw up a little...

Since it is only the second day of school for the children, and considering the trouble Barrett had adjusting last time, I believe it is in the best interest of the kids to get taken to school either by myself or you for at least the first few weeks. If you would like to take them, that's fine obviously. School starts at (time) at (name of school here). If that is too late for you to take them because of your work schedule, then I will be more than happy to take them if you simply drop them off at my house-like we did all last fall. They are dismissed at noon on (day) and (day). (Day) is a lunch day, and are dismissed at 1pm. (Your sitter) picks up her children around 2:30pm each weekday. That means on (days they are in school) the children will not have time to nap. Whether you want to admit it or not, you know they have to take naps at this age. I know you said that "they'll adjust" to not napping properly, but that is simply not acceptable for the health and well being of our kids. We are going to have to put our differences aside for now, and think directly about the kids. Its not fair to them to SABOTAGE their success in school by keeping them from getting the proper amount of rest needed at their age. Don't sacrifice the kids just to "be right". You can personally bash me all you want to, but I am not going to stop looking out for whats best for them. Also, since you didn't deem it important to come to both parents open house, OR the children's open house, I know you know nothing about their teachers, schedule, curriculum, or fee's. It is $150 a month for each of them. It is only fair that you pay at least half. This wasn't an option for Caleb. He would have HAD to go SOMEWHERE this year for pre-school. This is a inexpensive school, that lucky for us, is integrating Montessori training into its curriculum. If you have the time to travel 1/2 weekends a month with your girlfriend, then you have the money to help pay for our CHILDREN'S SCHOOLING. As for the threats about taking me to court? That just PROVES to me yet AGAIN what a sadistic, controlling, monster you are. Are you deaf to their cries when I have to drop them off back to you?? THEY LOVE THEIR MOMMY DAN, AND THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO TRY TO LIMIT THEIR TIME WITH ME. YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR YOU, NOT THE "WELL BEING OF THE CHILDREN". So go ahead, take me to court, but just think of the HUGE price you will ultimately be paying for your obscene amount of pride. The price will be the children's emotional health. Oh, and one last thing. Don't you dare taunt me about not having any money. Do it again, and there will BE NO dropping of the alimony NOR the post-separation support suit. You can take THAT to the bank.

Ann's Video II, Blood for Oil.

2006-09-07T11:20:00.000-04:00

Blood for Oil

My first homemade movie...

2006-09-05T10:05:00.000-04:00

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

2006-09-01T16:01:00.000-04:00

My adorable nephew, Chase!

2006-09-01T15:57:00.000-04:00

We miss you Chase!!! Kiss Chloe for us!

My angel, Rosie Posie

2006-09-01T15:53:00.000-04:00

Don't hate me because I'm funny...ish.

2006-08-30T20:52:00.000-04:00

http://mm.dfilm.com/mm2s/mm_route.php?id=3022177

Zen

2006-08-25T13:35:00.000-04:00

Nightlife at my house...

2006-08-13T15:43:00.000-04:00

Rosie had somehow half undressed herself, and was lying on top of her comforter-sideways. I could hear her soft breathing noises, and their steady rhythm. I slowly pulled her blankets back up over her chubby, little legs, and softly stroked her cheek. Quietly, I tiptoe out of her room, and right into Barretts’. He, oddly enough, is snuggled under his quilt exactly how I tucked him in earlier. Usually my restless little boy has halfway destroyed his bedding by now, but was sleeping soundly, and might very well have had the face of perfect peace. What a beautifully, perfect child. Finally, I make my way back to my own bedroom where, once again, Caleb has convinced me to let him sleep. I probably should make him sleep in his bed most of the time, but these nights are too precious to me to say no. I lay down next to the little lump in my bed known as Caleb. He of course had gravitated to the exact middle of the mattress during my brief midnight check on the midgets. Lucky for me I can pick him up, and scoot him over without him waking up. Unlucky for me-he scoots right back. I can’t really complain about the lack of sleeping space when he spends the night though. The constant snuggling, and ability to smell the scent of baby wash in his hair all night is pay enough…I am now convinced that this is what God will make my heaven like; I’ll get to watch my children sleep for the rest of time.

Finger 'licken good?

2006-08-04T03:04:00.000-04:00

Only kids know that the spittle on the side of the bowl is the best part...

Rosie vs. The Ravioli

2006-08-04T03:02:00.000-04:00

I guess she's been watching me eat...

Girls Night Out

2006-07-30T12:26:00.000-04:00

Thanks Janel for a really FUNNNNNY "girls night out"!!! We'll have to do it again next month! =)

Happy 23rd Bday Coley!

2006-07-28T21:07:00.000-04:00

For those of you who haven't frequented the P.F Changs establishment at Friendly Center: YOU ARE MISSING OUT. My mom, dad, and Nicole went there for her birthday last Tuesday. The service was impeccable, and the food was fabulous. Check it out when you have a chance!

Ouch. No Really.

2006-07-23T08:51:00.000-04:00

Wow. I have not been this tired since the days of 7am bedtime in my Raver days. No people, there are no drugs involved here. No loud parties or droves of people crammed into my apartment. There was simply the Caucasian incarnate of Bruce Lee sleeping in my bed...and I use the term "sleeping" EXTREMELY loosely here. Somewhere between a stealthy jab to my xyphoid process, and the deadly pinky-toe-to-the-nostril, I realized I have GOT to stop letting my four year old sleep in my bed. Hrm...now where did I stash that ICYHOT?

Baby Caleb

2006-07-22T23:51:00.000-04:00

Great pics from Calebs first year of life. Hard to believe he is four years old already. Time certainly does fly! If you want to see full size views of any of the pics, simply click on the photo!

Baby Barrett

2006-07-22T23:44:00.000-04:00

More old pictures I found on my ShutterFly account: My sweetpea, Barrett, in the first year of his life. How about that hat pic?!

Evolution

2006-07-22T23:38:00.000-04:00

I finally cracked into my ShutterFly account that I've had for years now. Here are some funny pictures of me from the past five years or so.

ps) Yes...that IS a perm you are looking at. Quick, let me hide!

Enough with the faces already!

2006-07-22T23:33:00.000-04:00

You know what I just noticed? I tend to make this exact expression in almost all my pictures. Nice.

BatCaleb

2006-07-22T23:31:00.000-04:00

Even BatMan has to catch a few zzzz's people...

Grasshoppers, french fries, and cheese-OH MY!

2006-07-22T23:27:00.000-04:00

I took the kids out tonight to the Grasshoppers game downtown. We had dinner first at Fincastles, and the kids totally loved the cheese fries. Ummm...yeah, ok, so I "helped" quite a bit. A mom has to eat! =)

Rob comes home! (Well, sort of...)

2006-07-22T23:23:00.000-04:00

Rob came home on his "mid-tour leave" this past week. I was able to spend about three hours with him. Watching him leave this time around was much easier than last fall. I'm so proud of him, as we all should be. Thank you for serving our country Rob, you're my hero.

Caleb's first banana split

2006-07-22T23:18:00.000-04:00

This is Caleb's very first banana split...his reward after a long day at Dinosaur Camp.

Camping Trip 3

2006-07-18T22:47:00.000-04:00

This is just a really cool bridge I came upon on my way into Bryson City, TN...