Finally warm enough to turn the hose on outside, and slide down the hill in our dump trucks!

Caleb was the first one up to see what Mr. Bunny had brought...

Easter Morning for Barrett

My little princess, in her birthday dress!

Right.

I finally have my court date for the custody hearing. Its at the end of April, but I really don't think the evaluation will be completed by then. We'll see though. Barrett's birthday was today. I had a whole little party waiting for him when they got here this morning. He was so excited, and it was so cute. We had cupcakes for breakfast, and then for dinner too. (Hey, it was his birthday, you're only 2 once!) We went to Target and Toys'R Us to get both he and Caleb a few things, but the second stop was cut short by Barretts screaming fit. (Thank God you're only 2 once? haha) Anyways, I think we're going to Chuck E. Cheese tomorrow too. Why not make it a whole weekend birthday! Ok, off to bed I hope...

Big Link 2

I love this guy's BIG LINK...lol

Who are YOU looking at? Hehe...

Caleb LOVES to maks cookies with me, and yes we do send some home to Daddy. =P

Childrens Museum ROCKS

Barrett learning how to drive at the Childrens Museum =)

My little flower girl, Rosie May! 

This is a mark that Barrett came home to me with after spending a weekend with Dan. Dan's explaination for it was that Caleb hit Barrett with the tip of a digital thermometer, and that is what made this mark. I took him to the pediatrician, and even he said that there just didn't seem to be any way that it could have been made that way.

Hi I'm Ann, and I'm old.

I think I have officially joined the old crowd. I no longer only take Aleve at the usual time monthly, instead I have to take it for one thing or another every day. I wake up at five in the morning, and can't go back to sleep. (Is that a divorce thing or an old thing?) I actually like to go to bed early. Drinking fiber doesn't sound all that bad. Where I used to smoke indoors with the windows closed, now the smell of cigarettes makes me sick. I read ingredients now. I use cruise control, count calories, use sunblock daily, and (GASP) have Googled "tummy tuck". (Oh hush people, I'd like to see what you guys have Googled!) Yup. I'm Ann, and I am officially old.

This guy is so great...

Even with this mystery illness that has kept me in bed since Friday night, I still can find the tiniest bit of strength to chuckle at Fecund Stench. Sorry to those of you I promised doughnuts to this morning. I think I have the Black Death. Ok, maybe not that, but it feels bad enough to turn Gatorade into Holy Water.

The Big Link

Ok Billy, here goes nothin': THE BIG LINK

Warning: Sensitive Language Post

He liked to call me names. I think it made him feel like a big man. His favorites were: bitch, whore, "f*ck up", idiot, fat, stupid, worthless, and a whole slew of other names to fill up this page. The worst one, the one that cut the most, was "f*cking cu*t". I even told him that he could call me anything else, but just don't call me that one. He did really good for a while with the name calling thing. But right before Rosie was born, and then after, he sort of lost it again. Things kind of closed up shop inside of me right before Rosie was born because of that. Then it happened. We were out running some errands one weekend, got into an argument about how I had misplaced a bill, and it ended with him punching me in the face. I just remember seeing stars for a minute or two. I thought the guy had broken my nose. (I grew up with 3 brothers, and I've played sports my whole life. I've been hit in the face a million times by everything from softballs to basketballs, but this was one of the hardest.) The whole way home he just kept telling me how it was all my fault, how I had ruined his day, and he was just going to run errands without me. Everything seemed so surreal for about 24 hours after that. I just remember walking inside to my bedroom, shutting the door, and laying down on my bed to absolutely weep into my pillow. I just thought there was no way that this could be happening. I was so confused, and felt like the whole world was falling down on me. I just knew that this little girl inside my belly was never going to have to see her mother get hit or shoved, nor was she going to hear a her mother be called some disgusting, disrespectful name. It was going just going to stop.

This poem is to you Dan...STILL I RISE.

Still I Rise: By Maya Angelou
You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops.

Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame

I rise

Up from a past that's rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

Meetup

It was nice to get out to the MeetUp last night. There are always so many more people than I think are going to be there, especially last night. I liked Jay's idea about everyone sending in what they'd like to talk about before hand. Oh, and I really liked Billy's whole "Big Link" thing. That was really a creative idea to maybe get a little traffic, especially for us little people! Thank you to the Panera guy for giving us the free stuff too!

Here Juan, this is for you... 

Just wanted to check in, I'm sick, so that's why I'm not around. Thank you Mr. Hoggard for the house info, and thank you S.R for all the awesome job info. I love my Greensboro neighbors...

Cancer

Kids are all sick, I'm sick, and Cowboy Dan is just sick in the head. He didn't call to talk to the boys tonight. Not cool Danno, not cool at all. I might be flying out of here soon to go up and see my Papa Dom. The second doctor they talked to said he didn't think he had 3 moths like the first doctor did. I have all these custody eval. appointments to go to until April 7th, but what if he doesn't last that long? I have so much to say to him. So much I want to tell him, and explain to him before he goes. My mom says he's starting to cough a lot. The cancer is in his lungs, both of them. They're still trying to decide if they want to do chemo, or take parts of his lungs out. Why spend the last 3 months of your life sick from chemo if its only going to give you 30 more days...

Why do people walk into 31 Flavors and pick vanilla?

Yesterday went very well, or at least I thought so. I felt I was able to articulate my feelings and concerns about the situation really well. I did get a little teary when I was talking about the kids, and the effects of this whole thing on them. But I don't think she'll hold it against me. I was completely drained when I came home. Mentally and physically drained. I went to bed before 9:00, and my alarm woke me up this morning. That never happens. I don't sleep well, ever. I think I really felt at peace in a way. It's that the actual process has started with this parental evaluation thing, and I also had a little talk with God on the way there. I'm pretty sure we made a deal. I'll let you know how that turns out.

Its D-Day for me

I have the first of the parental evaluations today at 1pm. Its a 3 hour appointment. I've got a fridge full of great food now. I cook when I'm nervous. Must be an Italian thing, huh? Haha. Its good though, because my SIL is coming to watch the midgets for me, and her friend will be here with her 2 kids, so there will be a total of 7 kids here. Should I have rented a pony and a MoonJumper? =)

I ended up putting together the BEST chicken salad last night: shred your chicken, herb your mayo with tarragon, add a some good Dijon mustard, a handful of chopped walnuts, s+p, and chill overnight. Oh wow, is it good...

PS) I simmered the chicken in veggie broth with a few peppercorns added. It really makes a difference in flavor. Try it sometime!

Dear You,

I see you still check in on me. That little "SiteMeter" at the bottom of the page tells IP addy's. You must be working nights again. So, are you just bored, or does some part of you still love me? You know, it wasn't until after we were apart that I realized you were, in fact, in love with me. Anyways. People change. I've changed dramatically. But what hasn't changed is that I still love you, and always will. Your memories sit in a beautiful parlor in the deepest part of my heart. I visit them every so often. Like when I see that you've come to read about what I'm doing in life. The eternal romantic in me dreams of you coming back someday...maybe someday. Until then, I wish you happiness and luck in life. I hope she is everything you dreamed of, and everything I wished for you to have. And I wished for you to have the world, nothing less.

Ann

I went to Grace today, and it was a really good service. My little brother went with me, and it was so nice to be able to spend time with him. I have my first meeting of the 6 with the custody evaluator on Tuesday. So everyone who prays, please remember me that day. C.D has his on the 14th, so I can see this dragging out for a long while. Last night was pretty bad when I called to say goodnight to the boys. I called twice, and left messages for him to call me back at 7:30, so that I could talk to Barrett before he was put to bed. Of course he never called me back, and I finally got in touch with him at almost 9pm. I confronted him about not returning my calls to speak with the children. He first said he didn't hear the phone, but then said he had it in his pocket. He had me on speaker phone with Caleb right there with him. He was yelling the whole time. I kept telling him not to yell in front of Caleb, and to lower his tone. He simply said he wasn't yelling...While yelling. He told me to stop talking to him, and talk directly to Caleb. I told him to stop acting like a control freak. He suddenly started counting down from 3, and I rushed to say goodnight to Caleb before he hung up the phone, but he got to 1 before I could finish saying it. It was completely bizarre. I didn't call back because I knew Caleb had to be really afraid from Dan yelling, and I didn't want to anger him any more. He might start yelling again, and scare Caleb even more. I wanted Caleb to be able to sleep. Even though I know he wasn't going to. I just hate this. This feels wrong. HOW CAN THIS BE OK FOR MY CHILDREN TO HAVE TO ENDURE THIS? THEY DESERVE BETTER THAN WHAT HE OFFERS THEM; MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, AND SPIRITUALLY. PERIOD.

I just found out about 2 hours ago that my grandfather has 3-5 months to live. The spots were cancer.

So, I'm kind of worried that I won't be able to find a job or a house. But maybe its just the evil Hot Pocket I ate for dinner talking. I'm planning on doing some serious house hunting this weekend, because its my weekend without the kiddies. Oh yes, I might as well be as pathetic as I was before:

AHEM...

EMPLOYERS: I AM IN NEED OF BEING AN EMPLOYEE...PLEASE HELP. I'LL BAKE YOU THE BEST ROSEMARY-OLIVE BREAD IN THE WORLD IF YOU HIRE ME. I'LL CLEAN YOUR TOILETS, I'LL FILE YOUR MINDLESS DOODLES IN ORDER BY LIKENESS TO MICHAEL JACKSON'S NOSE, I'LL SCRATCH YOUR BACK ON CALL. IN OTHER WORDS, I NEED A JOB MUCHO BADO.

Goodnight to all of my Triad Blogglings.

Affordable Housing

Find affordable housing in NC at http://www.socialserve.com/.

Homeless Prevention Coalition of Guilford County

This is an extremely useful site for anyone who might be in need, knows of someone in need, or works with people in need: http://www.hpcgc.org/gethelp/

Free Hot Meals in Greensboro!

Breakfast:

Daily: 7:00am-9:30am, Hospitality House at Beloved Community Center, 437 Arlington Street.

Wednesday mornings, 7:00am, Greensboro Urban Ministry, 305 W. Lee St.; open to everyone on Wednesday mornings only (you do not have to be a Weaver House resident.)

Lunch:

Daily: 10:30am-12:30pm, Greensboro Urban Ministry, 305 W. Lee St.; open to everyone everyday (you do not have to be a Weaver House resident.)

Dinner:

Mondays: 5:30pm, near Central Library and downtown Center City Park , served by Food Not Bombs, Friendly & Elm Street area.

Tuesdays: 5:30pm, St. Mary's House, served by Hare Krishnas, Tate & Walker.

Wednesdays: 6:00pm, Grace Community Church, 643 W. Lee Street.

Thursdays: 5:30pm, St. Mary's House, served by Food Not Bombs, Tate & Walker.

Emergency Housing

Do you know of someone who needs a temporary place to stay, or is in a housing crisis? Read on friend...

In Greensboro:

1) Weaver House, Greensboro Urban Ministry: 305 W. Lee Street, 336-271-5959, ext. 347. FYI: 21 or older; must have photo ID & SS card; 67 day limit.

2) Clara House, Family Services of the Piedmont: 336-387-6161 or
336-273-7273, (24-hr crisis line), FYI: for abused women and their children w/ life threatening situations; male child cannot exceed 15 yrs old.

3) Pathways Family Shelter, Greensboro Urban Ministry: 3517 N. Church Street, 336-271-5988. FYI: They usually have a waiting list.

4) Act Together: 1601 Huffine Mill Rd., 336-375-1332, FYI: For children 11-18; alone, in crisis, run away, neglected, and/or abused.

5) In High Point- Open Door Ministries: 400 N. Centennial, 336-886-4922, FYI: High Point Residents only.

Philanthropy Journal

Great site, great read: Philanthropy Journal