Tonight was one of the most horrific exchanges of the children yet. Caleb was screaming for me not to leave, and he was so upset he was kicking the window of C.D's car from his car seat. I thought I was going to die. I am sick. I hate this. They don't deserve this. Not in the least. Its times like these that make me want to just give in, and give him what he wants. I just don't want my kids to hurt anymore. I just can't take it. My heart is breaking in two. My precious, precious babies need a consistent, stable routine. What is happening now is not working for them. I have tried to get C.D to work with me on this, but its clear to me he is willing to sacrifice the children in order to earn revenge for me daring to leave him. I'm so helpless now. My "mother bear" instincts come out when I feel someone is hurting my children in some way. But its very confusing when that someone is your husband. Ex-husband. Whatever.