I sit in my apartment this morning, drinking my tea, and just very sad. I had my midgets this past weekend, and we had such a great time. But this morning there were no little faces peering at me in the morning to wake me up. No little scratchy voice from Barrett asking for "cerall" for breakfast. Nobody calling for "mommmmmyyyy" to get them from their crib. No curly nest of soft, blond hair brushing against my face in the early morning. I miss my babies. I wonder if I am a failure to them. Am I a failure to myself?
I am not getting enough hours at the shelter, so I have looked into a second job as a secretary. I need to be able to provide for them on my own. Its so frustrating to not be able to take them to those fun, silly places like Chuck-e-Cheese's or even just McDonald's these days. I hate money, and I hate falling into the materialistic trap this world spews at me day after day. I wish I could just live off a farm in the mountains with my midgets...away from all these problems.