I absolutely hated getting my picture taken when I was a kid. I hated those dresses even more I think. =) 

I was feeling a cute little yellow bow and all. I loved school as a kid. I was so ready to go that morning. My brother? Not so much so. It was my first day of kindergarden, and I was ready to rumble. Even then. Ha. 

The things we have come to fear the most.

I can take pain. There has been points in my life where people have asked me to rate whatever pain I was feeling, or tell me about the pain I was experiencing about a certain injury, ect. I have never known how to answer those type of questions honestly. None of this makes sense, I know. Well, it doesn't make sense because I'm not really talking about physical pain exclusively. Just pain in general. Its so far beyond pain, that I don't think there is a word for it. When people turn their backs on you, and you never feel like anything more than some kind of indigenous slave to the rest. This post isn't supposed to make sense to any of "you". Not that its helping a whole hell of a lot for me. My writing is nothing but burnt up paper. Everyone is right. He is going to get my babies. I will be left with nothing. And my heart will burn up inside me. If he takes them away. I have nothing. That is what he wants. He wants to bury me under the rocks, and have the ocean of time erode my color away. control is everything to him. I feel so sorry for that kind of existence. I want him to shine as a father. That in turn will make them shine too. Today was not a good day. C'est la vie. N'est pas?

Shop till ya drop?

Yea, its a girl thing, or a cool guy thing. I love this site.

AOL blog

Here is my new, short, baby blog on AOL.

This is my pops...

D'Lites of America, more of the same, and more of the same...

My third Mothers Day

I thought this was interesting: A Stay-at-Home Mother's True Worth: According to Salary.com, parents who stay home to care for their children could command a salary as high as $131,171 per year if you combined all their day-to-day roles. Considering they rarely have any time off and are on-call more or less 24-hours-a-day, that pay scale doesn't sound that unreasonable, but hopefully they get good benefits, at least on Mother's Day. Happy Mothers Day to my mom, and all of you mothers out there!

Help me

I've fallen into this

bubbling sea of

human-

ity

and all you fishies

are trying

to

eat

me.

THE BIG LINK

This week's edition of THE BIG LINK...

A little Buddhism for today...

‘He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me.’ Those who think such things will not be free from hate.

-Buddha

I got engaged to C.D on Cinco de Mayo. Sometimes I wish all this could just be ok.  

Support the Hoggards

**The Jinni Hoggard Fundraiser**

If you ever have a chance to take your kids to the Childrens Museum in downtown, DO! Barrett loves to pretend to "shop", as see here. Caleb loves the bubbles and firetruck in the back, and Rosie loves the ride-on's they have in the front. Its a great place, check it out!

My little chunky-monkey again...

Great Post

I thought this post was so cool. Check it out, its by our friendly neighborhood weatherman Eric Chilton.

I SEE LITTLE PEOPLE. (In a hushed "Sixth Sense" kind of voice)

Ann=Dork

I just wanted to say sorry to anyone that I might have missed at Fishers tonight. I officially have a slipped disk in my back, and all these pain pills had knocked me out cold. I also am having an allergic reaction to one of the prescriptions that I they gave me, and I look like a puffy troll. Well, more than usual anyways. See, I told you I was getting old. Stuff starts to fall apart in a hurry. Again, I apologize.

FREE skin cancer screening on 5/7

Moses Cone is doing a FREE skin cancer screening on Saturday, May 7th from 9am-Noon! Bring the whole family, because its open to everyone. If you can, please register by calling 832-8000, mmmmmkay?

Skin cancer=bad; family activites that involve taking care of your body=good. :-)

Get a map to it: HERE

A hot steaming cup of SIN.....hehe. 

Cool Picture in downtown Winston...I'm in the middle 

FISHERS 5/3 at 7:30pm

WING-O-RAMA AT FISHERS!

See my previous post for the hows and why's please. Meet me, us, whoever will show up to chow down on some killer wings and cold brew-haha at 7:30pm today! COME ONE PEOPLE! 10% of the total sales goes to Greensboro Urban Ministry. Lets ROLL on this one. Email me if ya are gonna make it, ok? =)

Ann

THE BIG LINK

Such a nice guy...http://patrickeakes.bblogspot.com. Visit his site and Santa will won't bring you a tube sock of coal this time.

EAT OUT on 5/3!!!!

On Tuesday, May 3rd the list of restaurants below will donate 10% of TOTAL SALES to Greensboro Urban Ministry! Very cool, right? So get your behinds out on Tuesday, got it? Good Stuff. I haven't decided where I'm going yet, but I'll be out! Cha-cha-cha. Anybody up for doing a blogging get together for the good of Greensboro Urban Ministry, and our appetites??? Speak now of forever hold your peace. =)

1618 West Seafood Grille *
Acropolis Restaurant *
Akashi Japanese Restaurant
Amalfi Harbour
Amalfi’s Pizza Italian Restaurant (Kernersville)
Anton’s Restaurant
Arigato Japanese Restaurant *
Bear Rock Café (both locations)
Bert’s Seafood Grille *
Bianca’s An Italian Eatery *
Bill's Pizza Pub (both locations)
Bistro Sofia *
BoHogs
Box Seat Sports Restaurant
Brixx Pizza
Buffalo’s Bar and Grill I & II
Café D’Arte *
Café Europa
Café Nouveau *
Captain Bill’s Seafood Restaurant
Cincy’s Downtown
Cloud Nine Café & Coffee
El Carreton Mexican Restaurant
Elizabeth’s Pizza (all Greensboro locations)
Elizabeth’s Italian Restaurant (Oak Ridge) *
Fat Dog’s Grille & Pub
First Carolina Deli
Fishers Grille
Ganache Restaurant *
Gate City Chop House *
Ghassan’s (all locations)
Green’s Supper Club
Green Valley Grill *
Ham’s Restaurant (all Greensboro locations)
Harper’s at Friendly
Hayble’s Hearth
Herbie’s Place
Hugo’s Food Sports Spirits (both locations)
International House of Pancakes (1430 Westover Terrace only)
IPD Eatery & Grill
J & S Cafeteria
J. Butler’s Bar & Grill
Jack’s Corner
Jam’s Deli
Kabuto Japanese Steakhouse & Sushi Bar *
Laddie and Duke’s Family Grille *
Leblon Brazilian Steak House *
Liberty Oak *
Lox, Stock & Bagel
Lucky 32 *
Mahi’s Seafood Restaurant*
Manhattan Pizza & Subs
Maria’s Foods-to-Go & Catering
Mark’s on Westover *
M’Coul’s Public House
McPherson’s Bar & Grill
Mexico Restaurant (3606 M N. Elm St; 4207 High Point Rd; 4800 W. Market St)
Milano Pizza *for lunch
Napoli Italian Market, Deli, Pizzeria & Restaurant *
Natty Greene’s Pub & Brewing Co.
Oakcrest Family Restaurant *
Old Town Draught House
The Painted Plate
Pastabilities
Pavilion
Penny’s Restaurant (Jamestown)
PieWorks
Po Folks Restaurant
Pollo - Pizza – Pasta
Positano Italian Restaurant
Sadie May’s (Jamestown)
Saffron Indian Cuisine *but not required
Saigon Restaurant *
Smith Street Diner
Soupercrisp
Southern Lights Bistro *for 6 or more
Stamey’s Barbecue (both locations)
Steak-Out Delivery
Taproom
Taste of Thai *
Tex & Shirley’s Family Restaurant
Triad Grill
Tummy Yummy
Undercurrent Restaurant *
Village Tavern
Wallstreet Deli and Catering
Yum Yum Better Ice Cream
Coffee, Bakeries, Desserts, and Smoothies
Baskin Robbins (1620 Battleground Ave)
Carvel
Cheesecakes by Alex
Cold Stone Creamery (all Greensboro locations)
The Green Bean Coffeehouse
Java Jo’z
Juice Shop Smoothies (both locations)
Maxie B’s (both locations)
Spring Garden Bakery & Coffee House
Tate Street Coffee House

Power does not corrupt. Fear corrupts... perhaps the fear of a loss of power.

- John Steinbeck

If we are to live unto God at any time, or in any place, we are to live unto Him at all times and all places. If we are to use anything as the gift of God, we are to use everything as His gift.

-William Law

(Just to clarify something: I don't post things like this to say anything about myself. I don't claim to be anything but a human being.)

Cheeseburger Eating Mobiles

Second mortgage for next years supply of petro? Fret not my friend: Rob Ainbinder found this link: SHAZAM! The magic petro fairy give you a little jingle in your pocket maybe? Hehe.

James Dean in Greensboro

Where was he going? I just can't help wondering that over and over as I sit here in these very capable pajamas, in a very capable home. Last time we talked, it was very briefly over a strawberry cupcake I just so happened to have with me. (Now that just might be random.) I saw him as I was stopped at a light going through downtown. The rain had just started to fall. I quickly parked around the nearest corner, and ran the half block up to catch him. I asked where he was staying, since I hadn't seen him down at the shelter. He said he wasn't staying there anymore, but in a car with a woman he had "met". He pulled at the plastic wrapping on his soda bottle nervously as we spoke. He's always so nervous. His mind seems too scattered for words at most points. Maybe that's why he's always ending the beginning of insight into his mind with, "we'll have this conversation later,(nervous laugh)...". Its like clockwork. If I were worth anything at all, I'd stop thinking about how much I want to sleep right now, and drive my money squandering ass down there to buy him some hella IHOP breakfast/lunch/dinner, and take him to a truck stop so he can wash. He looks like he hasn't bathed in about a month or two. OPEN YOUR EYES PEOPLE. THIS IS OUR CITY. HE'S HOMELESS IN AMERICA, IN GREENSBORO, HERE FOR GOD'S SAKE. Does this stir anything and ANYONE reading this stupid thing? There are so many things you can do to help. You claim to be some creative ANYTHING? DO something for them. Say you did something in your life for someone else, other than not fuss at the woman who forgot to give you your 15% discount at CHICO'S. GET UP AND LIVE ALREADY.

Something random

Am I really that random with what I say on here?

Caleb and "Fireball", his VERY real horse =)

Rosie's first ice cream cone. As you can see it went over pretty well. =)

The word "icky" comes to mind.

...please don't say its a Southern-thing.

Add-On's for Blogs

If you're looking for a good way to litter up your blog with all kinds of crap....HERE YA GO! But really most of it is cool. I'm thinking about doing a little junking up of mine right now. Ciao.

The Big Link

The Big Link this week is riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.......HERE.

To be...

HE touched me, so I live to know

That such a day, permitted so,

I groped upon his breast.

It was a boundless place to me,

And silenced, as the awful sea

Puts minor streams to rest.


And now, I ’m different from before,

As if I breathed superior air,

Or brushed a royal gown;

My feet, too, that had wandered so,

My gypsy face transfigured now

To tenderer renown.

Post for post's sake

Sitting here writing out the list of what I want out of my house, and what I'm willing to give up. I just want to be settled with the kids again. Thats it.

Caleb went with Dan to his appointment with Dr. Batten today. When Caleb went with me his allergies were horrible. But he was totally fine today. I wonder if that's going to make me look like some kind of "bad mom"? I still don't know when the home visit is. I don't know if they tell you, or just show up one day. I hope they just show up. Anyways, my car is about to blow up. That sucks. Cars blowing up is never a good thing, right Martha? The MeetUp is Wednesday at Panera Bread on Lawndale. I'm going, how about you? Ok, time for bed, or to at least pretend.

So many people, so much crap, not enough shovels.

THE BIG LINK 5

I met this lady at the last MeetUp, and I have to say that I think she's awesome. Its THE BIG LINK number five!

I was told that I could end up with between $700-$1000 a month from Dan. Even with me getting whatever crappy paying job that I would get, (I got pregnant and married in college), how am I going to do this? I refuse to make my children go to daycare, while I go to work. There is just no way I'm sending them. I want to raise my children, and see their milestones. (Don't start crying just because I dissed the whole daycare thing people!) There has to be some way to make this work from home, so I can be there with the kids. WOMEN do it all the time, right? The question is, how? You can't feed 3 kids selling Mary Kay or Tupperware. Well, maybe you can, but I'm not a saleswoman, and have no desire to win a pink caddy just for hustling mascara. Time to get creative about being creative I guess.

The Big Link

http://grunkleguru.blogspot.com/

Dreams

Right before I found out I was preggo with baby number three, I was looking at the space next to Glitters in downtown. I wanted to open a store of my own, and fill it will the most wonderful home furnishings you had seen south of the Mason Dixon line. Yes people, we all have dreams don't we? But this dream, nomatter what crap keeps coming into my life and changing the course of it WILL NOT go away. I keep saying,"SHOO dream, you no longer belong here. I have children! I musn't think of things like you!" But this dream floats like a mist in the background of all this current chaos in my life. It keeps making me wonder if it is waiting for me and not the other way around?

Big time, big link: http://chewok.blogspot.com/

Finally warm enough to turn the hose on outside, and slide down the hill in our dump trucks!

Caleb was the first one up to see what Mr. Bunny had brought...

Easter Morning for Barrett

My little princess, in her birthday dress!

Right.

I finally have my court date for the custody hearing. Its at the end of April, but I really don't think the evaluation will be completed by then. We'll see though. Barrett's birthday was today. I had a whole little party waiting for him when they got here this morning. He was so excited, and it was so cute. We had cupcakes for breakfast, and then for dinner too. (Hey, it was his birthday, you're only 2 once!) We went to Target and Toys'R Us to get both he and Caleb a few things, but the second stop was cut short by Barretts screaming fit. (Thank God you're only 2 once? haha) Anyways, I think we're going to Chuck E. Cheese tomorrow too. Why not make it a whole weekend birthday! Ok, off to bed I hope...

Big Link 2

I love this guy's BIG LINK...lol

Who are YOU looking at? Hehe...

Caleb LOVES to maks cookies with me, and yes we do send some home to Daddy. =P

Childrens Museum ROCKS

Barrett learning how to drive at the Childrens Museum =)

My little flower girl, Rosie May! 

This is a mark that Barrett came home to me with after spending a weekend with Dan. Dan's explaination for it was that Caleb hit Barrett with the tip of a digital thermometer, and that is what made this mark. I took him to the pediatrician, and even he said that there just didn't seem to be any way that it could have been made that way.

Hi I'm Ann, and I'm old.

I think I have officially joined the old crowd. I no longer only take Aleve at the usual time monthly, instead I have to take it for one thing or another every day. I wake up at five in the morning, and can't go back to sleep. (Is that a divorce thing or an old thing?) I actually like to go to bed early. Drinking fiber doesn't sound all that bad. Where I used to smoke indoors with the windows closed, now the smell of cigarettes makes me sick. I read ingredients now. I use cruise control, count calories, use sunblock daily, and (GASP) have Googled "tummy tuck". (Oh hush people, I'd like to see what you guys have Googled!) Yup. I'm Ann, and I am officially old.

This guy is so great...

Even with this mystery illness that has kept me in bed since Friday night, I still can find the tiniest bit of strength to chuckle at Fecund Stench. Sorry to those of you I promised doughnuts to this morning. I think I have the Black Death. Ok, maybe not that, but it feels bad enough to turn Gatorade into Holy Water.

The Big Link

Ok Billy, here goes nothin': THE BIG LINK

Warning: Sensitive Language Post

He liked to call me names. I think it made him feel like a big man. His favorites were: bitch, whore, "f*ck up", idiot, fat, stupid, worthless, and a whole slew of other names to fill up this page. The worst one, the one that cut the most, was "f*cking cu*t". I even told him that he could call me anything else, but just don't call me that one. He did really good for a while with the name calling thing. But right before Rosie was born, and then after, he sort of lost it again. Things kind of closed up shop inside of me right before Rosie was born because of that. Then it happened. We were out running some errands one weekend, got into an argument about how I had misplaced a bill, and it ended with him punching me in the face. I just remember seeing stars for a minute or two. I thought the guy had broken my nose. (I grew up with 3 brothers, and I've played sports my whole life. I've been hit in the face a million times by everything from softballs to basketballs, but this was one of the hardest.) The whole way home he just kept telling me how it was all my fault, how I had ruined his day, and he was just going to run errands without me. Everything seemed so surreal for about 24 hours after that. I just remember walking inside to my bedroom, shutting the door, and laying down on my bed to absolutely weep into my pillow. I just thought there was no way that this could be happening. I was so confused, and felt like the whole world was falling down on me. I just knew that this little girl inside my belly was never going to have to see her mother get hit or shoved, nor was she going to hear a her mother be called some disgusting, disrespectful name. It was going just going to stop.

This poem is to you Dan...STILL I RISE.

Still I Rise: By Maya Angelou
You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops.

Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame

I rise

Up from a past that's rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

Meetup

It was nice to get out to the MeetUp last night. There are always so many more people than I think are going to be there, especially last night. I liked Jay's idea about everyone sending in what they'd like to talk about before hand. Oh, and I really liked Billy's whole "Big Link" thing. That was really a creative idea to maybe get a little traffic, especially for us little people! Thank you to the Panera guy for giving us the free stuff too!

Here Juan, this is for you... 

Just wanted to check in, I'm sick, so that's why I'm not around. Thank you Mr. Hoggard for the house info, and thank you S.R for all the awesome job info. I love my Greensboro neighbors...

Cancer

Kids are all sick, I'm sick, and Cowboy Dan is just sick in the head. He didn't call to talk to the boys tonight. Not cool Danno, not cool at all. I might be flying out of here soon to go up and see my Papa Dom. The second doctor they talked to said he didn't think he had 3 moths like the first doctor did. I have all these custody eval. appointments to go to until April 7th, but what if he doesn't last that long? I have so much to say to him. So much I want to tell him, and explain to him before he goes. My mom says he's starting to cough a lot. The cancer is in his lungs, both of them. They're still trying to decide if they want to do chemo, or take parts of his lungs out. Why spend the last 3 months of your life sick from chemo if its only going to give you 30 more days...

Why do people walk into 31 Flavors and pick vanilla?

Yesterday went very well, or at least I thought so. I felt I was able to articulate my feelings and concerns about the situation really well. I did get a little teary when I was talking about the kids, and the effects of this whole thing on them. But I don't think she'll hold it against me. I was completely drained when I came home. Mentally and physically drained. I went to bed before 9:00, and my alarm woke me up this morning. That never happens. I don't sleep well, ever. I think I really felt at peace in a way. It's that the actual process has started with this parental evaluation thing, and I also had a little talk with God on the way there. I'm pretty sure we made a deal. I'll let you know how that turns out.

Its D-Day for me

I have the first of the parental evaluations today at 1pm. Its a 3 hour appointment. I've got a fridge full of great food now. I cook when I'm nervous. Must be an Italian thing, huh? Haha. Its good though, because my SIL is coming to watch the midgets for me, and her friend will be here with her 2 kids, so there will be a total of 7 kids here. Should I have rented a pony and a MoonJumper? =)

I ended up putting together the BEST chicken salad last night: shred your chicken, herb your mayo with tarragon, add a some good Dijon mustard, a handful of chopped walnuts, s+p, and chill overnight. Oh wow, is it good...

PS) I simmered the chicken in veggie broth with a few peppercorns added. It really makes a difference in flavor. Try it sometime!

Dear You,

I see you still check in on me. That little "SiteMeter" at the bottom of the page tells IP addy's. You must be working nights again. So, are you just bored, or does some part of you still love me? You know, it wasn't until after we were apart that I realized you were, in fact, in love with me. Anyways. People change. I've changed dramatically. But what hasn't changed is that I still love you, and always will. Your memories sit in a beautiful parlor in the deepest part of my heart. I visit them every so often. Like when I see that you've come to read about what I'm doing in life. The eternal romantic in me dreams of you coming back someday...maybe someday. Until then, I wish you happiness and luck in life. I hope she is everything you dreamed of, and everything I wished for you to have. And I wished for you to have the world, nothing less.

Ann

I went to Grace today, and it was a really good service. My little brother went with me, and it was so nice to be able to spend time with him. I have my first meeting of the 6 with the custody evaluator on Tuesday. So everyone who prays, please remember me that day. C.D has his on the 14th, so I can see this dragging out for a long while. Last night was pretty bad when I called to say goodnight to the boys. I called twice, and left messages for him to call me back at 7:30, so that I could talk to Barrett before he was put to bed. Of course he never called me back, and I finally got in touch with him at almost 9pm. I confronted him about not returning my calls to speak with the children. He first said he didn't hear the phone, but then said he had it in his pocket. He had me on speaker phone with Caleb right there with him. He was yelling the whole time. I kept telling him not to yell in front of Caleb, and to lower his tone. He simply said he wasn't yelling...While yelling. He told me to stop talking to him, and talk directly to Caleb. I told him to stop acting like a control freak. He suddenly started counting down from 3, and I rushed to say goodnight to Caleb before he hung up the phone, but he got to 1 before I could finish saying it. It was completely bizarre. I didn't call back because I knew Caleb had to be really afraid from Dan yelling, and I didn't want to anger him any more. He might start yelling again, and scare Caleb even more. I wanted Caleb to be able to sleep. Even though I know he wasn't going to. I just hate this. This feels wrong. HOW CAN THIS BE OK FOR MY CHILDREN TO HAVE TO ENDURE THIS? THEY DESERVE BETTER THAN WHAT HE OFFERS THEM; MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, AND SPIRITUALLY. PERIOD.

I just found out about 2 hours ago that my grandfather has 3-5 months to live. The spots were cancer.

So, I'm kind of worried that I won't be able to find a job or a house. But maybe its just the evil Hot Pocket I ate for dinner talking. I'm planning on doing some serious house hunting this weekend, because its my weekend without the kiddies. Oh yes, I might as well be as pathetic as I was before:

AHEM...

EMPLOYERS: I AM IN NEED OF BEING AN EMPLOYEE...PLEASE HELP. I'LL BAKE YOU THE BEST ROSEMARY-OLIVE BREAD IN THE WORLD IF YOU HIRE ME. I'LL CLEAN YOUR TOILETS, I'LL FILE YOUR MINDLESS DOODLES IN ORDER BY LIKENESS TO MICHAEL JACKSON'S NOSE, I'LL SCRATCH YOUR BACK ON CALL. IN OTHER WORDS, I NEED A JOB MUCHO BADO.

Goodnight to all of my Triad Blogglings.

Affordable Housing

Find affordable housing in NC at http://www.socialserve.com/.

Homeless Prevention Coalition of Guilford County

This is an extremely useful site for anyone who might be in need, knows of someone in need, or works with people in need: http://www.hpcgc.org/gethelp/

Free Hot Meals in Greensboro!

Breakfast:

Daily: 7:00am-9:30am, Hospitality House at Beloved Community Center, 437 Arlington Street.

Wednesday mornings, 7:00am, Greensboro Urban Ministry, 305 W. Lee St.; open to everyone on Wednesday mornings only (you do not have to be a Weaver House resident.)

Lunch:

Daily: 10:30am-12:30pm, Greensboro Urban Ministry, 305 W. Lee St.; open to everyone everyday (you do not have to be a Weaver House resident.)

Dinner:

Mondays: 5:30pm, near Central Library and downtown Center City Park , served by Food Not Bombs, Friendly & Elm Street area.

Tuesdays: 5:30pm, St. Mary's House, served by Hare Krishnas, Tate & Walker.

Wednesdays: 6:00pm, Grace Community Church, 643 W. Lee Street.

Thursdays: 5:30pm, St. Mary's House, served by Food Not Bombs, Tate & Walker.

Emergency Housing

Do you know of someone who needs a temporary place to stay, or is in a housing crisis? Read on friend...

In Greensboro:

1) Weaver House, Greensboro Urban Ministry: 305 W. Lee Street, 336-271-5959, ext. 347. FYI: 21 or older; must have photo ID & SS card; 67 day limit.

2) Clara House, Family Services of the Piedmont: 336-387-6161 or
336-273-7273, (24-hr crisis line), FYI: for abused women and their children w/ life threatening situations; male child cannot exceed 15 yrs old.

3) Pathways Family Shelter, Greensboro Urban Ministry: 3517 N. Church Street, 336-271-5988. FYI: They usually have a waiting list.

4) Act Together: 1601 Huffine Mill Rd., 336-375-1332, FYI: For children 11-18; alone, in crisis, run away, neglected, and/or abused.

5) In High Point- Open Door Ministries: 400 N. Centennial, 336-886-4922, FYI: High Point Residents only.

Philanthropy Journal

Great site, great read: Philanthropy Journal

AnnaBanana

Long day...long day indeed. They are telling me that my 2 year old, Barrett, needs to be evaluated for Asbergers/Autism. Hrmm.

God says he'll never give you more than you can carry, but sometimes it feels like it. I guess thats when you have to ask him to carry some of the load for you, isn't it?

I don't have the kids this weekend, but I think I'll be busy filling out job applications and looking for a home. I'm thinking of catching a movie to try to wind down a little too, or paint pottery again. I'm sure I'll make it to the shelter at some point too. Anyways, goodnight to all,

Ann

Ps) Hello to someone in Asheville =)

BLOGGERS HELP

I have something to ask of my local blogging community: I have about $1100/month to spend on rent, and I am in DESPERATE need of a place to live. I need a 3 bedroom house with some kind of back yard. I may be in a position to buy in a few years, but right now I need to rent until I get back on my feet from this divorce. If anyone knows of a home for rent that sounds like it might do the job, PLEASE email me!!!! (Oh, and BTW-I'm a great neighbor too, I bake! haha)

Dr. Phil

If you haven't already heard this, you gotta listen to it...funny stuff:

Dr. Phil

Helping Hands

We can ALL find something to give. Lowana needs help, please think of her, and her cause when going through your old things. (Those of you who can, new things are nice too!)

Azure Ray

Complete sirens, check out their music here:

AZURE RAY

Hold On Love

HOLD ON LOVE

hold on love

even when i cry all night

even when i say i don't love you

just hold on love

so my head gets a little cloudy

and the drink goes straight to my heart

the the words come like a runaway train

in the dark

just hold on love

even when i scream and fight

even when i swear i don't love you

just hold on tight

and when the darkness falls over

like a storm cloud in my head

something inside says it's easier

to push you away but stay and

hold on love

even when i cry all night

even when i swear i don't love you

just hold on love

just hold on love

just hold on love

-Azure Ray

"The greatest source of unhappiness and failure is trading what you want most for what you want now."

-Zig Zigauri

Psalms 55:22

"Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved."

My religion is usually something I have kept to myself, even though I do ask for people to pray for me through my posts. But the truth is I am extremely spiritual. Some days/weeks/years more than others of course. I'm sure its the same for many of you. Last night I found out that while doing a CAT scan on my grandfather doctors found spots on both lungs. He is already in the hospital with blood clots in both legs. This is where it gets hard, even harder than the fact that my "Papa Dom" is probably not going to live much longer. The spots are more than likely cancer. I'll know more after they do the biopsy on Wednesday. I just can't imagine death at this point. Nobody in my family has died.

I have another person who, by technical terms, is my grandfather. I do not call him that. I don't call him anything. My very first post was about him, read it here.

What happens when you run out of Midol and Ben&Jerry's... 

You can't really drink coffee at 3:30 in the morning, can you? I mean, not if you're still half sleep walking. Rosie just had a bottle, and Caleb is having a coughing fit, but won't drink his water. I have to admit, 90% of me doesn't even care that I'll have raccoon eyes for the next three days because of this. At least they're here, up at 3:30 in MY house. Back to sleep I hope...

Jobby, Job, Job

So I'm looking for a job AND a place to live. This is going to be interesting, I can feel it. Hehe. Where one door closes, another will open.

Weaver House WOOHOO

Ok people, I have officially joined the "single woman at the movie alone" club. I went to go see Million Dollar Baby this afternoon. Good stuff, but I could have waited until the video came out. I decided to check up on my family at the shelter. There was a REALLY drunk guy that came in, and he started calling the friends he came with "fags and niggers". But like I said, he was REALLLLLY drunk.

I am taking both Caleb and Barrett to a therapist tomorrow. My pediatrician advised me to take Barrett. Once I talked to the therapist, she was really concerned about Caleb's violent behavior. She decided she wanted to see them together. They spent the weekend with Dan this weekend, so tomorrow morning should be bizarre again. I really wish I could post pictures for you all to see, but I know they are going to be used in my case. I promise to post them afterwards. They really are sad. Also, my custody evaluation by Dr. Batten is about to be scheduled, so please pray for me and everyone involved in it. Pray for wisdom, clarity, and conviction for both Dan and myself, and our attorneys. Thanks again to anyone who reads this mess, and for your encouragement. It means more to me than any of you know.

Can you see me sit so quietly in the corner?
I am screaming
ABOVE
your conversation inside.
I rhyme your names with things
as to remember them when we meet again.
I might open my mouth to speak
but nothing
but a squeak
dribbles
o
v
e
r
my lips.
If only I could cough up that
courage
settled under my skin.
Lets begin, again...

~ann

Ok fine, so I didn't go to bed yet...hehe. I found out that, according to Tickle.com, there are men looking for me, but those men aren't "my type", and "my type" is what everyone else wants. Thanks for the thrilling news Tickle, really. Do I get a free pint of Ben and Jerry's with my test results? : P

These are the results of the personality test I took, and yes, you can laugh:

What do people see in you?

You're warm, knowing and aren't afraid to go after your goals. You tend to be patient with people, too. And if that weren't enough, you pretty much set the standard for emotional health by being filled with positive feelings and energy - energy you radiate out onto those around you.

How do you compare to others?

You're highly unique, as only 9% of women your age have the same personality type. Another 9% have personality types similar to yours.

Do men like your type?

16% of men are looking for your exact type. Another 64% are looking for someone highly similar to your type.

What do men like about your type?

Men like the extent to which you're adventurous.The research indicates that men are most drawn to your willingness to explore and take risks.

What are you really looking for?

Your ideal match is open-minded, extroverted and independent. He's very free-spirited and is likely fairly liberal in his views. He's like a magnet for love and affection - people just seem to adore him. And, thanks to a healthy dose of self-confidence, he's unusually flexible.

Is he a rare breed?

Approximately 11% of men have that exact personality type. Another 15% are similar to the type you're looking for.

Who's your competition?

About 12% of women your age are after the exact type of man you are. And 11% of men have that personality type.As you can see, your ideal man is in high demand. (Great, another reason to consider dating again huh? lol)

What's so compelling about him?

Women are most attracted to the extent to which your ideal man is confident.

Stay tuned for new results soon. I know you're all dying to know what kind of fruit I would be, or what perfume I am, or what car I am most like, right? Haha. Here's the link so you guys can knock yourselves out: www.tickle.com

I just got home from G.U.M a few minutes ago, and I am officially TIRED. I can't believe how many new faces have turned up since I was there last. Its not even been 2 weeks, which I know is a long time, but there has been a huge turnover. Some of the residents have gotten permanent housing, which is awesome, but most are just back on the streets. And its just started to get so cold at night again, that I worry a lot about them. As many of you start to clean out your closets, again I ask of you, please remember these great people down at the Greensboro Urban Ministry. They do accept donations of food, clothing, and financial gifts. Oh, and on last thing! I just want to say a BIG THANK YOU to Lawndale Baptist Church. They provided residents with a wonderful meal tonight, and really went all out with the food. Cutting fresh strawberries for the homemade strawberry shortcake, and I can't forget the homemade cornbread. You ladies, (and gentlemen), truly put your heart into it. I just personally wanted to thank you, as I know each resident is thanking you tonight as they sleep with a full belly! God bless each one of you.

Ok, time for me to hit the hay, or in this case-feathers. Sweet Dreams kiddies...~Ann

The start to my weekend...

Went and painted pottery tonight, listened to Irish music, had some killer Chinese food, and sang Barry White. Can't get much better than that. What did you do?

Sorry for the rambling, but my head is swimming. My grandfather got admitted to the hospital this afternoon. He has a blood clot in each leg. He's not doing so good they said. He's a diabetic. This is my mothers father, not my dads step-father. The Italian side of the family. Everyone calls him Papa Dom. He's the only man I consider my grandfather. I love him more than anything. He always made me feel so special, even in the midst of 16 other grandchildren. You know, I've only been to three funerals in my whole life? The first was a boy at my middle school who killed himself. The second was my mothers friend, who died of breast cancer. The third was my father-in-law's friend. Everyone in my family is still living. I still have both sets of grandparents. Both.

When it rains it pours, right?

Oobi

For those of you with midgets ages 4 and under, you have got to check out Oobi. Everyone else, I still would check it out. You never should deny your inner child's delight.

Well tonight was interesting, to say the very least. I finally got to meet Southern Rants, which was very cool. There is something very nurturing about her, indeed. I also got to meet Chewie, Lenslinger, Roch, and few others. My meeting with Kitty went really well this afternoon, btw. I feel really good about everything. I told her about my blog today, and she didn't seem bothered by it. I just hope that any readers that I might have would forgive me if they think the integrity of my blog has been compromised. I want you to know that I will tell you as much as I can, without it compromising the chances of my case. Its just that sometimes I don't know what could be a "bad thing" to post, and what is completely harmless. I don't know if some of you caught the emails that I posted last week, but I took them off after a few comments were made about how it might have an effect on my case. Maybe I can put them up again, but I'll have to see. Goodnight all!

Woo, (cough), hoo! Tomorrow is the local monthly blogger Meetup here in G-town. Hopefully there will be more talk about personal blogging, but I'm probably wrong. Haha. I'd like to know more about the people themselves, and yes, more about how to improve my site. Not so much about how to make a buck off someone who happens to land on it. That would make the whole point of mine completely moot. I have a meeting with my attorney tomorrow afternoon at 4:00. I really hope I can stay organized, and focused with her. Sweet Dreams kiddies!

Pick it up

Looking for some unbelievable blues? Check out Robert Bradley's Blackwater Surprise. One of my FAVORITE artists of all time. If you can catch me on Messenger or AOL, I'll send you some MP3's... =P

Midget Mania

Its just the midgets and me this weekend, and its supposed to be REALLY cold, which sucks. Thank God for the Children's Museum and the Natural Science Center. I have memberships to both, and love it there. Anyways, no time to write, just wanted to check in. I hope everyone gets lots of rest this weekend. That's one thing I won't be getting, lol. =)

Sunday was a horrible day for me. I wasn't going to blog about this, but I can't sleep even more than I already don't, so maybe this will help. I went to pick up Rosie to spend some alone time with her on Sunday, and I walked in on a horrible thing. Barrett, who according to Dan had been in bed for 3 HOURS, was covered from head to toe in dried feces. God only knows how long he had REALLY been locked in that crib! He had no pants on, and no diaper. He was silently rocking, and didn't even acknowledge my presence when I was standing right in front of him. He just kept rocking, and staring straight ahead. I know I made this horrible sound when I realized what was going on, and Dan came running in, snatched him up, and threw him in the bathtub. He then started screaming at me to take my daughter and leave, to get out of the house. So I did. Instead of being able to help my little boy, I had to leave. I keep getting told there is nothing I can do about this kind of stuff until we do this custody evaluation. But there are 6 VISITS EACH to one of those, AND a home visit! That could take MONTHS! God only knows what could happen to those kids in that amount of time. Its already been too long. Just pray for my children, and for their safety.

I still have a memories of how my fingers perfectly slide into yours,
how soft your skin felt in the morning,
and your perfect
pouty
bottom lip.
I still have memories of night walks down to the university,
people watching
people
and me admiring everything
you.
I still have memories of the day I
finally
cried,
all of me sobbed,
all of me.
You left that morning,
and I was never the same,
but will keep a part of you with me
always.

~ann

Pass the Kleenex...

Ok, so I was having a pretty crappy day the other day, and was feeling sorry for myself. (Ok fine, I may have been out of Prozac as well.) But, I want to formally apologize to any readers I may have, and say that I will most certainly try to stop being a cry baby about SUCH a wanker. Dan being his first name, of course. I want to post these emails he sends me, because they are COMPLETELY ridiculous, but there are so many lies in them, I feel like I'd have to write some kind of rebuttal to every one! But I think you guys would get a total kick out of reading his nut-job letters.

Good Things

Better than Oprah's list of "Good Things" things:

*Recycle your old PDA's, cell phones, and pagers at Collective Good.com

*Quilt, sew, or crochet a blanket for a child in need, or donate funds at Project Linus.com

*Give someone in need the gift of sight by dropping off your old glasses at a LensCrafters store. (giftofsight.org)

*Donate gently used professional work clothing and accessories to organizations that help low-income men and women get and keep jobs. Look for a collection site under Social Service Organizations in your local Yellow Pages, or visit careergear.org (for men), and dressforsuccess.org (for women) for drop-off and mailing instructions.

*Curious about volunteering? Volunteer Match.org is a great place to get started, and get some information about local opportunities!

Get involved in life.

C.D

I want to understand what it is about me that makes Cowboy Dan hate me so much. Am I really an unfit mother? Why is he calling me that? What could I have done that would warrant such a shameful label? It was so hard, those three years of pregnancy, and all the complications. I was so tired. I just wanted my body back. My house wasn't the most pristine, I have to admit. I didn't have dinner on the table when he walked in the door from work, and the laundry I actually got done when I could wasn't very much. I had gestational diabetes in all three pregnancies, low iron, and low B-12. Not to mention the medication I took that listen fatigue as a side effect. I usually had to lay down for a nap when he got home at night from work. But even then, most of the time, he would come and get me because he didn't know what to fix them for dinner, or needed a hand. I wanted to be able to do the things that moms do with their kids, and my body wouldn't let me. I felt so alone, and rejected the whole time by him. I just wanted him to love me. I wanted to be a family. This whole process is so much harder than I thought it would be. We need to be back in our house, and my court date to get back in isn't until March. Even then, its not certain I will get in. Dan may be willing to sacrifice our children, but I AM NOT. I have to find a way to get them back into their home with THEIR things! This is insane.