I want to understand what it is about me that makes Cowboy Dan hate me so much. Am I really an unfit mother? Why is he calling me that? What could I have done that would warrant such a shameful label? It was so hard, those three years of pregnancy, and all the complications. I was so tired. I just wanted my body back. My house wasn't the most pristine, I have to admit. I didn't have dinner on the table when he walked in the door from work, and the laundry I actually got done when I could wasn't very much. I had gestational diabetes in all three pregnancies, low iron, and low B-12. Not to mention the medication I took that listen fatigue as a side effect. I usually had to lay down for a nap when he got home at night from work. But even then, most of the time, he would come and get me because he didn't know what to fix them for dinner, or needed a hand. I wanted to be able to do the things that moms do with their kids, and my body wouldn't let me. I felt so alone, and rejected the whole time by him. I just wanted him to love me. I wanted to be a family. This whole process is so much harder than I thought it would be. We need to be back in our house, and my court date to get back in isn't until March. Even then, its not certain I will get in. Dan may be willing to sacrifice our children, but I AM NOT. I have to find a way to get them back into their home with THEIR things! This is insane.

1 Comments...not Spam-ments.:

mbondur12 said...


I'll tell you why. He's an idiot! I am sure there are things that you did that made your relationship not for the better, but his calling you an unfit mother seems really unfair. He knows how to push your buttons, so he uses that to his greatest advantage to get you all out of sorts. As long as you were yourself and didn't do anything to harm those kids, you shouldn't have to change. Someone who truly loves you will accept you even with your faults. Remember that.

I know and you know that everybody makes mistakes in life. You have to look past those mistakes and accept what IS, not what you want to be or what you think should be. You have to accept what IS and go from there.

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