Little Girls in Iraq

Little Girls on the side of the road in Iraq. Pictures by Rob. 

THE FIRST BIG LINK OF 2006!

Welcome to THE BIG LINK this week! =)

Drive In

This isn't some kind of show
no black and white
slow picture screen of my life for your eyes
close up on my heart
please splice it all out
I don't want your eyes any longer.

Fun with MS Paint

 

Blahness

I have been urged to shut my blog down by my parents because of threats from both the Cowboy and his father. They have called me "dumb" for writing my thoughts and feeling about the whole divorce. His father says, "doesn't she know that's what lawyers live for?". At this point I'm more annoyed than worn down, but I'm sure that they will keep on trying for the latter. They are trying to use anything and everything I say against me. So I can say in all truth now that they are the most evil, God-less, obsessive, deranged people I could have ever thought existed. I fear for my children. I fear that they are going to wake up someday and see the actions of Cowboy and his father, and think that its normal to treat people like they do. Its very sad, and aggravating to say the least. I want to protect my children from people like these, but then again I want them to have as whole of a family experience as they can-even growing up in a divorced home. This whole situation now just makes my head spin sometimes. I don't understand why we can't just let the past BE just that-the past. We need to work together to raise these beautiful kids in the most normal environment we can. It just blows my mind that they work so hard to separate me from the kids. I never thought I would see the day when a father tries to separate his children from their mother so much. He's trying his hardest to alienate the children from me by playing off the fact that I happen to be diagnosed Bipolar. He wants to run me into the ground with his hate and evil anger. The emails he sends are nothing short of disgusting lies and non-truths. He truly is a Dr. Jekyl and Mister Hyde, and so has become his father. I just feel sorry for the children, that they have to be put in the middle of Cowboy and his fathers misdirected hatred. So sad, so sad...

Update of my mini-me =)

 

My second little man...the angel

 

My first little man....

 

Happy Birthday to Meeeeeeeeee

Yeah, yeah, yeah...so I'm saying it to myself...someone has to. lol. =)

Hi Slade!

I never knew fishing could take so much thought Slade, hehe =P 

And we will ask for ONE MIIIIIIILLLION DOLLARS....ahe ahe aheee. 

Bad days.

My phone got shut off today....hrm. All that is next is a pretty blue chunk of blue ice to fall out of the sky and kill me. Nice.

My heart... 

Untitled II

Silent night, so
silent night
I feel you fill the room.
I taste your tears,
I bathe in your apathy.
I see your dress fall to the floor
as you step into my head
you shake and shiver
your fingers quiver
as you watch the picture show
that plays behind my eyes....

Hrm, that one just isn't done yet. Writers block. Grrrr.

Happy EARLY Birthday

...to The Shu.

Kuwaiti Sunset by Rob

This is an aweseom picture from Rob the first night he was in Kuwait. It is a great shot of the sun setting with soldiers in the background. I just love his vision. He truly is genius through the eye of a camera...at least to me.

 

Say Hello to the Cowboy's Daddy

Yes its true, the Cowboy obviously was spawned by a bigger, much more evil entity. That entity has a name, but we will just call him Wee Willy for short, no pun intended of course. I think he'd like that. Anyway, Wee Willy reads my blog quite a bit now I see. He is also demanding that I take all the pictures I have put up of my kids off my blog. I would be willing to also bet he things he has some kind of inside info just by reading this thing too. Wait, maybe I should just call him Super Spud. He is sort of shaped like a potato, and well...the IQ pretty much goes along with that. lol. Wee Willy Super Spud it is then...good thinking people. I don't know what I would do without you!

To my love...

Flaxen gold
Blood crimsons shadow
Nights shadow
My mind still slow dancing with your every memory.
Come home and be mine love,
I'll never want for you to be anyone other than yourself love,
Don't be afraid love,
Follow me love,
because we sleep until the same nights starry sky.

Untitled

Settled in the comfort of your skin
I will sleep so soundly
comfort where unsettling water has been
so very long before you had arrived.

So vivid
So soothing
Intriguing and sensitive
so
FULL
of life...thank you for simply being. 

Work Work Work

Update: I got a little part time job at Buffalo's on Battleground. Yae for wings. Haha. Come in and tip me well, I'm poor. =P

My dad

This is my pops, Dougie Poo. Everyone says I look just like him. Hrmm. I don't see it. 

Dirty bug

Another picture Rob took in Iraq recently. I think its absolutely amazing the emotion it conveys. A little like Rob himself I suppose. Great guy I must say.

 

I both love and hate this picture. It shows Robs pure innocence and fear at the same time. It brings out the "mother bear" in me, I guess you could say. I want to protect him from whatever may be making him worry. Thats my baby. Any sandy little troll messes with him and I'll make it my duty to mess with them. I don't worry babe, you'll be home soon enough, right?... 

Woah.

A long while ago I posted about this old friend of mine whom I had deep feelings for. Well, I got married and moved away, he got a girlfriend and what have you-we both moved on. I never got over him in my heart. He was that one guy that a piece of my heart would always belong to. Well, we're having dinner within the next week and I'm a nervous wreck. I keep thinking about the typical things, like what will I wear, what will I say when I see him, should I play it totally cool, or just be how I feel. I'm kind of weirded out a little to tell you the truth. Part of me thinks Cowboy Dan is going to jump out from behind the bushes and shoot me. He hated this guy because I dated him after C.D broke up with me after we first met, and I totally fell in love with this guy and C.D knew it. I mean, I know this is a totally platonic dinner, but I still have that butterfly thing going on in my stomach, and no matter how much I tell myself to chill out, I can't help but do the stupid girly giggle every time I think about it. Hehe. Girly giggles can make you feel good every now and then though, so I'm not too worried about it. =P

Turkey Day

Today was pretty emotional all around for just a day to gorge myself on turkey and other foodies. My Papa Dom made a little speech to the whole family and talked about what we should do when he was passed. I don't think I'd thought about it in such real terms yet. Especially with him sitting right before me. It was hard not to get very emotional to tell you the truth. I was able to get a hold of Dan and the boys almost each day, so that was a good thing. I miss them and can't wait to see the kids. Sorry I still haven't posted about the outcome of the evaluation yet. Honestly, I just haven't been ready-nor have I had much time. Its going to be a long post. I fly back from WI tomorrow late afternoon. Hope you all had a great day.

~Ann

Brian Ruh

Brian,

It was really nice to hear from you today. I hope we can stay in touch this time! =)

Love Always,

Ann

Italian Turkey Days

Hi. Its almost 5am and Rosie has been up since 2am. Needless to say this is going to be a snippet of a post. I'm in Wisconsin for the week visiting my Papa Dom. He looks a lot better than I thought he would. Only has lost about twenty pounds total. All of which I will gain before the week is up, ,lol. Anyway, ,when I get home I am going to sit down and hash out on here what happened in court with the Notorious D.A.N last week. Hope you all have a super uber Turkey Day. XoXo

Ann

Court

I went to court yesterday for PSS and alimony. Neither of which I got because Dan doesn't have any money supposedly. The custody evaluation came in as well, but I'm not sure if I can talk about it on here or not. I can say that I'm pretty happy with it. I'm going to find out though and post as soon as I can. Hope all is well with everyone.

Yours truly...
pics by Ann

The view of the State Fair from on the ferris wheel. Did I just spell that right...hrmmm.
pics by Ann

Rock on.
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COOTER!!!!!!!!!!! (lol)
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Haha.
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Rob made this one for me, its going on my lower back...
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Both a broken and unbroken soul...
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Finally got my wrists fixed...THANK YOU LITTLE JOHN'S TATTOO ON BATTLEGROUND!!!!!!
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laptop???

I know I'll get a thousand spam comments just by doing this, but does anyone want to sell me a good laptop? I need one really bad, the old Pentium II is just not cutting it anymore. (lol)

Ann

There, I said it.

Bipolar Disorder is a bitch.

Any given Sunday

Well, everything is pretty much not good right now. The stress of everything combined is killing me, almost literally. Rob leaves for Iraq on Friday, I am having a hard time with depression, and I just can't seem to keep my energy level up enough to get anything done. I have been neglecting my blog, because honestly I don't feel like being honest about everything just yet. Its a lot to admit to some of the things I'm going through. Enough complaining. I hope all have a good Sunday.

G.U.M Newsletter

GREENSBORO URBAN MINISTRY NEWS!

Greetings Urban Ministry Friends! You are receiving this e-mail because you gave your e-mail address to us as a supporter. Please check out our website: www.greensborourbanministry.org to get basic information and to view our latest newsletter. At our website, click on What is Urban Ministry? Click News & Information. Click Fall Newsletter.

Would you be interested in helping Urban Ministry distribute William Mangum's Holiday Honor Cards at your congregation, business, or civic club? A Honor Card Coordinator Luncheon is going to be held Thursday, November 3, 12 to 1 p.m., in the Urban Ministry Boardroom, 305 West Lee Street. If interested, contact Crystal Mercer 271-5959x301 or mercer@guministry.org. by Friday, October 28. At the luncheon, there will be a drawing for a free limited edition Mangum print!

Please make plans to attend and bring your friends to the 14th annual Feast of Caring to be held at First Baptist Church, 1000 West Friendly Avenue. Drop in anytime between 5:00-7:00 p.m. for a simple meal of soup and bread. No reservations are necessary.
This meal, in the soup kitchen tradition, kicks off our annual operating fund campaign. We are requesting your 2006 Annual Pledge or Gift at this event. When you make a pledge or give a donation ($20 minimum) at the event, you will receive a handcrafted pottery bowl donated by local and Seagrove potters. William Mangum's 2005 Honor Card entitled "Homecoming" will be unveiled and made available for the first time.

The Congo

As an American woman, I am most proud of the things I am indeed able to enjoy in freedom-though we have a long way to go before we are truly treated equally. And also as an American woman, I am grieving for our sisters around the world at this moment. Especially our sisters in the Africa, and the Congo, being slaughtered like lambs in the fall. Raped like animals in the wild, and then left for dead. Our sisters, who are not yet even learning to walk, spliced open from rectum to vagina by hellish dogs of men. WHEN WILL THIS MADNESS STOP? When will WE as finally stomp our very uncomfortable high heel shoe down and scream, "NO MORE!!!!", so not another one of our sisters bleeds for mans lust. It sickens me to write this. It sickens me that the media has brainwashed us into living the same old "don't ask-don't tell" policy about rape, molestation, and abuse, but when it comes time to sell a pair of Nikes...welllll hold the phone! Then all of a sudden we're muscled, intelligent, strong, brave, AND sexy all on a good hair day! Well ladies, I'm here to tell you, no STRIKE that, I'm here to SCREAMMMMM at you. To PLEAD with you. TO BEG YOU. Before you die, God will smile upon you in you help your sister. Black, white, yellow, and olive...we are allllll sisters in this world full of "men folk". If you can go with a church or organization to a place where women and children are being especially persecuted, please go once in your life. Make that your family's Christmas present instead of all those plastic toys that they will never remember anyway. If you can donate, even just 5 dollars to the Red Cross, or Doctors Without Borders. Please consider. I have blinking banners to both sites here to make it easier to find. Thanks.

ATTENTION TRIAD STAGE GUY

Hey guy-that-lives-next-to-Juan-that-works-at-the-Triad-Stage:

Have any idea where I can get a hold of your friend? (Whom I held hostage in the parking lot last Friday night...) No? Yeah, I didn't think so either.

This morning was pancake morning at my house. The kids and I ate in front of the T.V, and watched cartoons at about 6:00am. It really wasn't that bad because I didn't sleep well last night, so I was ready to get up when they were. Caleb's fall festival was canceled for tomorrow at GMS, and moved to next weekend. That is really good news for us because now Dan HAS to go. Well now that I'm on my fourth cup of tea this morning, I think I'll go spaz out in the shower. Have a good one people! WOOHOO FOR HERBAL TEA!

lol

Annoyed.

I feel completely worn down right now by the, "Cowboy Dan Divorce Show" that I can't see straight. Dealing with Dan is so stressful because he is such a snake. The kids behavior strictly depends on what kind of INSANE schedule they have endured the night before with him. So my days are pretty much at his mercy. I have to try to stuff them full of protein and fiber during the day because dinner with him is macaroni and cheese, spaghetti, or PB&J 4 nights a week. To drink is sugary chocolate milk all the time. Oh, and let me not forget all the soda as well. SOMEONE needs to give him a lesson in nutrition. If the kids end up with him, they'll be vitamin deficient in less than 6 months. Mark my words. I'm having the hardest time ever concentrating in school, and am already behind in psychology. I read the same paragraph over and over again, and still can't comprehend it. I've always had excellent reading comprehension skills, so I know I'm not ADD or something like that. Its just very frustrating...all of it. It seems like there is no end in sight to all this mess.

A picture I took of Rob on North Mountain in VA.  

Caleb and I outside today! (AWESOME weather here in Greensboro, NC...) 

Back to the shelter

Finally was able to get back to the shelter Wednesday night. It was really nice to be there, and I have made a commitment to be there every Wednesday night now. That is my only night that I'm not at school during the week. I should have gone sooner, I forgot what a part of me it is.

I glow when I think.
pics by Ann

My little baby bella...and her mini pink suitcase she likes to carry fake, plastic food in. Haha.
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Anyone want to buy a 1991 VW Passat wagon for mucho cheapo? I thought I'd give it a shot! $1750 bucks and she's yours! hehe
pics by Ann

Court, Kids, and Dough

Today was the first of what will be quite a few D-Day's for me. We were supposed to be meeting about post separation support and alimony, but it ended up being mediation about the separation of property. Cowboy completely lied about a few things, but there is nothing I can do. Its my word against his, and that doesn't count for much in the courtroom. I'm so anxious, and scared about this custody thing too. His lawyer is just low and dirty. She's the same woman that said she would have punched me in the face too-like he did when I was pregnant with Rosie. Dan boasted about her saying that to him as if to try to justify hitting me. Disgusting. She's either evil, or has only heard a perverted version of the story. I'd bet on both.

So, I ended up signing over the house, Landcruiser, and giving back my wedding rings for $5000. I also get half of the money accrued during our marriage in the 401K. That ends up being a little less than 3k. I'm about 13k in debt over-all, so hopefully I can just pay off a big chunk of what I owe. A part of me didn't want to give back the rings because I thought about saving them for Rosie, but I didn't feel like I had a choice. Anyway, I have a ton of psychology homework to do, so I'm going to go. Hope all is well with everyone in bloggerville.

Rosie Posie-my one and only. She's growing up too fast.
pics by Ann

Mercedes Smart Car

Do you think Mercedes isn't marketing the new Smart Car here in the States because we're obsessed with SUV's?

American Life

In its 2004 budget, the state of Texas has slashed mental health benefits for the poor, increasing the likelihood that those who are mentally ill will wind up in prison or on death row. Read about it HERE.

FYI

I was just going back and reading through some of my posts, and I felt that it was important to mention that the car that I just got is a gift from my parents. I am very lucky to have people like them that help me in such huge ways like that. FINALLY I have a/c! (Thanks 'ma and pops!!! =P)

One of the pictures I took along the way...
pics by Ann

Mister Elder and myself on the way back from VA.
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The Robert E. Lee Natural Bridge, hrm, and some crazy chick in a pink shirt.
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I couldn't help picking all the pretty flowers...
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"Shadow Lovers"
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This is what happens...

...when the internet vomits: Conservative Singles

Camping in VA

I had the most AWESOME weekend! I went camping up in VA with Rob, and had the best time. We stayed in Roanoake on Friday night, and he took me to see the Roanoake Star on Mill Mountain. I have quite a few pics I'm going to post, but it will take me a few days I think. On Saturday morning we drove up to Lexington and camped out by the most beautiful river, and next to the Robert E. Lee Natural Bridge. It was a little cold, but I had a good sleeping bag-so not so bad. It probably didn't help that I washed up in the river that night, but that was fun too. Haha. Just a good 'ol time nomatter how you look at it. Nature is verrrrrry good.

Some pictures taken in Mississippi of Katrina.
pics by Ann

Psychology Exam

Cross your fingers, light a few candles, and say a prayer for me tomorrow because I have my first psychology exam tomorrow night. Personally, I think I'll be more than lucky to pass it because I've not gotten onto the course site set, and am just now studying for it. School+having 3 kids = HARD.

ps) But I did get a 90 on my first math exam, yipee.

Free Credit Report in NC

Some of you already know about this, but if you live in NC you can get a free credit report right now. Here is the link: https://www.annualcreditreport.com/cra/index

"...and if I die in Raleigh-at least I will die free."
pics by Ann

"...it feels so good feelin' good again."
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Black

Things start to pile up after a year of going through the motions of separation. Everything from feelings to bills. Its all very backed up at this moment. This black hole called divorce has sucked me in, along with most of the light around me-just as black holes can do. I'm just waiting to see where I will end.

Having a bad day? Check out a little Townes Van Zandt, and feel better. Much better.
pics by Ann

Rob vs. The Giant Plastic Crab
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I'm waiting for the thickest desert sand
to come take him away.
Sucking him deep into a black abyss
no martyrs prayer can make him stay.
My fingers will keep reaching
trying to find his skin
and I'll grab onto the short memories
instead of touching him.

Long time no type...

Heeeeey people! Long time no bloggy blog blog. Lets see here, there is a lot to catch up on so I'll make it snappy. First of all, school is going well! I took my first math exam tonight and got a 90. I should have done better, but I won't make the same kinds of mistakes on the next one. I also finally got a court date scheduled in my case, its on the 28th of this month. This date is for post-separation support and alimony. I did meet with both Dan AND the custody evaluator this past Friday. It went alright I suppose, but I felt a little odd sitting right by Mr. Cowboy to tell you the truth. It is a little hard to be open about things with him sitting there right next to me. We mostly talked about trying to work out some kind of schedule for the kids, and C.D seemed to be really agreeable to what I thought was a "good idea" for them. I haven't found work yet, but am still trying the whole cleaning thing. I put a few flyers up at my apartment complex to try to get something, but no calls yet. I also just bought a new car. It is a Mazda MPV, and its only got 60K. For a 2002 that isn't bad. I'm just glad to have A/C now, haha. I think I may have sold my VW to a girl in my math class, but I'll have to see if that pans out. I really hope so, I need the money. Anyway-I'm off to bed. I hope all is well with everyone in web land.

~Ann